tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52775607630128374662024-03-17T20:03:38.136-07:00the modern failureUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-35169243646195072012-08-30T14:15:00.000-07:002012-08-30T14:15:19.131-07:00The Horror of the ElephantThe truth is, I am terrified of this blog. I am terrified of it for the same reason that I spend every day at a dead run, like a scared rabbit with bulging bloodshot eyes and a meth'd-out heartbeat. I am terrified because of the very topic about which I write. I am terrified of failure.<br />
<br />
So I stopped. I walked away from this thing I created. About which I was so proud. I stopped writing. For over a year. Because I wanted to write this and turn it into a book. And I submitted my proposal and got rejected. I was rejected by, like, ten agents. Which, if you speak to anyone in the book business, is <i>nothing</i>. I should have tens of hundreds of rejection letters proudly piling up as I slog away at my dream.I should know in my heard that I have a book in my soul that people want to read.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Should.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Should.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Should Should Should Should Should.</div>
<br />
As my best friend (the therapist) would say, "Stop 'shoulding' on yourself." Gigglesnort.<br />
<br />
I have a very serious inferiority complex about my work. Any work. I am consistently surprised when I get positive feedback at my job- which exasperates my mother because I have been there a year and received some great praise. But every time I get a new client, I get excited about the prospect that it doesn't seem like they want to fire me. Not yet.<br />
<br />
I have a trial at the end of the month. They will probably fire me then.<br />
<br />
But I suffer from that affliction that I believe affects so many potential artists, dreamers, creators- will people like it? For me, it is always one step forward, two steps back. I dip my toe into the icy cold waters of possibility and draw it back because I feel that if what I am going to write isn't going to be a best seller- then maybe I should write something else, or not at all. An idea dies in infancy because would it sell? Would people like it? Would it appeal to the popular consciousness and become a phenomenon? All sorts of forces are at work here- not the least of which is the primacy of popular approval as the rubric against which I would judge any creative effort. Yet, we all know that most artists are not appreciated in their own time- although one must create to be appreciated in any time at all.<br />
<br />
Still, I sit frozen. Frozen by expectation. The expectation of potential readers, critics, myself.<br />
<br />
When people began reading this blog, almost regularly, again I was paralyzed because I felt the weight of expectation. Again, I felt that each post would not live up to the expectations of those that read the last. I ran away, hid, covered my eyes and pretended you could not see me.<br />
<br />
This elephant I vow to eat. One bite at a time. One post, at least, a week. They may not be good, they will probably be awful, but they will keep a promise I have made to myself to write. Because I believe the little voice that says that I must.<br />
<br />
This post has been neither funny nor thought provoking. Next time I will do better. For now, here is a picture of a hairy eyeball.<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FrSv0fN2yTE/UD_XbTQC8CI/AAAAAAAAAC8/ZDr8jheacRM/s1600/fridays-hairy-eyeball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FrSv0fN2yTE/UD_XbTQC8CI/AAAAAAAAAC8/ZDr8jheacRM/s320/fridays-hairy-eyeball.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-79290582061344882862011-03-31T09:57:00.000-07:002011-03-31T09:57:59.731-07:00Mechanical Loss.<span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> <blockquote><div class="MsoPlainText" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“The law of energy conservation dictates that one can never get more energy in the output motion than provided by the energy source. Indeed, one always has some energy loss in a power transmission. Energy loss rates can vary from 5% for a flat belt drive to up to 80% for a multi-stage gear transmission.”</span></div><div class="MsoPlainText" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>by Nathan Delson, 2004</span></div><div class="MsoPlainText" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman';">So, I was dead in the water for a month (you may have noticed.) Our internet, in a last puff, wheeze and plume of smoke, died. After battling with the provider for a month- and strenuously and repeatedly objecting to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>their insistence that we <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>had “cancelled” two appointments during which we sat for the requisite six hours waiting for our overall-clad savior to arrive (he never did), someone, finally, came out. This guy really knew what he was talking about. The problem apparently started at the “hub” outside near our street- a junction established to serve two houses was serving four. Inside the house, a cable set up to service two internet connections served seven. Each time the internet signal was split, from two to four at the street, from two to four to seven inside the house, the signal strength decreased exponentially. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a normal signal strength was +10, and everything “shuts down” at -11, ours was at a -14. Occasionally, based on usage, the signal strength would increase to a -10 or -9, but at no point was the signal strength where it should be.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Our internet was multitasking- <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and therefore failing. It made me wonder at what “signal strength” do we “shut down”? How many times can our mental signal-strength split before we simply stop functioning? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An increasing amount of research is being done in the area of multitasking and perceived efficiency vice actual effect. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eduardo Miranda, studying corporate organizations and project management for Ericsson Canada, calls the phenomenon within companies the “problem of resource overcommitment” and states that “</span><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">the multi-project environment introduces challenges of their own: implicit dependencies created by shared resources, loss of productivity due to resource multi-tasking and subtle reinforcing loops that propagate delays from one project to another.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode';">David E. Meyer, the director of the Brain, Cognition and Action Laboratory at the University of Michigan, recently told the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/25/business/25multi.html?_r=1&en=f2&ex=1332475200&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1215095906-qf4FuxGkISn0zWr9h86aAg"><span style="color: windowtext;">New York Times</span></a>, “Multitasking is going to slow you down, increasing the chances of mistakes. Disruptions and interruptions are a bad deal from the standpoint of our ability to process information.” In a 2005 research study conducted by Hewlett-Packard and the Institute of Psychiatry at the University of London, it was found that workers who answered emails and phone calls were more impaired to a surprising degree. The <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/4471607.stm"><span style="color: windowtext;">BBC</span></a> reported on the findings in 2005: “[Researchers] found excessive use of technology reduced workers’ intelligence. Those distracted by incoming email and phone calls saw a 10-point fall in their IQ – more than twice that found in studies of the impact of smoking marijuana.” Whaaaaat?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode';">As <a href="http://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/the-myth-of-multitasking"><span style="color: windowtext;">The New Atlantis</span></a> recent reported, “One study by researchers at the University of California at Irvine monitored interruptions among office workers; they found that workers took an average of twenty-five minutes to recover from interruptions such as phone calls or answering e-mail and return to their original task.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Basex analyst Jonathan B. Spira indicated to the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/25/business/25multi.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&en=f2&ex=1332475200&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1215095906-qf4FuxGkISn0zWr9h86aAg"><span style="color: windowtext;">the New York Times</span></a>, “estimates the cost of interruptions to the American economy at nearly $650 billion a year.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode';">If the cost and detriment to work productivity by work related interruptions is as severe as indicated in the above studies, in which the interruptions are at least within the same genre (work) as the primary task at hand, how much more severe must be the cost when the “interruption” is from a role entirely unrelated to the workplace. How many mothers have received the ‘Moooooooom, Brian won’t share the remote control” phone call while at work? How long does it take to re-center one’s thought process after a phone call that your child is sick? Or that your mother has had a bad day? Or your sister is getting a divorce? For me, the switch between roles is often like trying to throw the car into reverse while cruising on the freeway at 55 mph. It’s not pretty. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode';">More interestingly, however, is the fall in IQ found by the BBC. If distracted individuals were found to have a drop in their IQ twice that of smoking marijuana- how much more severe is the impact on the IQ of the multi-hatted-working-mom-mentor-gymnast-triathlete-maid-therapist-friend? At what deficit do we begin our day, and what limitations are we placing on our performance?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode';">Something to think about- while you’re ironing, watching the news and editing the next week’s brief. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></span><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-20732727414245433512011-03-28T07:59:00.000-07:002011-03-28T07:59:41.875-07:00Blades of Grass<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Occasionally it is the juxtaposition of two wildly disparate- and perhaps not at all related- things that brings another (not at all related) thing into stark relief. This weekend, it was a picture of a beautiful starlet in a publication of Seventeen or similar, and a 758-page tome about World War II in Hungary. The picture was gorgeous- she had large green eyes and a bowler hat- the picture was taken with the background appropriately out of focus; the mood was whimsical and the composition was artistic. The book was amazingly rendered, intimately human and, of course, heart-wrenching. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The photograph conjured for me memories of the age at which I last perused the pages of that periodical. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Late teens, early twenties, one is simply a steaming, sticky, bowlful of potential.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A canvas, freshly fallen snow- one can try on and test drive identities as readily as gloves or shoes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not knowing who you are is fully acceptable because you are not supposed to be anything yet- you are the endless untied beginnings of what might be-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you are a beautifully nebulous ellipsis.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But at some point, one is supposed to have arrived at a character- spun the roulette wheel of life and settled into a slot: red or black; 13, 21, 7, attorney, artist, doctor, writer, mother, hippie, vegan, redneck, mechanic. At some point, the little whirling ball of possibility runs out of centrifugal force, runs out of time, and falls. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever it is, the little spinning top of youth is supposed to fall into its slot and… fit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing in popular culture, or literature, or life prepared me for the “overflow”- the parts that don’t fit into my selected slot- the equally strident calls for both order and chaos, military precision and poetry, love and independence. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>At some point, I should know what I am, and I should stop wanting to be everything else. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But I haven’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And neither, it seems, have so many of my similarly situated generational sisters. What is it about our generation? Are we just spoiled? Over stimulated? Used to many options? Or simply more connected than our forbears? Many of our ancestresses certainly pined for a lot different than the one their own. Per haps the difference is that we do not simply want a different lot, but all of them. And not only do we want these roles, but we are required to fill them. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The second<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>aspect, good god, the World War II book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The awesome aching chasm of human loss and tragedy. The <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>raw cruelty of one human to another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stripped tendons of pure survival.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The magnitude of horror certainly puts into perspective my quibbling little uncertainties about “who I am,” or why. Of what import my happiness? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the midst of such suffering and sadness and loss- does the world really care which direction this particular blade of grass bends? Will it affect the world? Will it even affect my own?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>On the other hand, what else is there?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-60847112655243006242011-03-09T13:32:00.000-08:002011-03-09T13:32:24.087-08:00M.I.A.Thank you for asking where I have been... our internet has been non-operational for the last week and a half and I just have not had it in me to drag my sorry ass to the internet cafe. We will be back up and running next week, 14 March 2011.<br />
<br />
See you then!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-31208495344858428702011-02-25T12:53:00.000-08:002011-02-25T12:53:45.119-08:00Why I am the Worst Person in the WorldLast night, Sprout woke up at 0230 having miraculously, at some point earlier in the evening, removed his pull-up from underneath his zip-up feety pajamas. His bed was soaked. His entire room smelled like pee.<br />
<br />
Not having any desire to deal with the resultant mess, I took a cleaned and re-jammied child into my bed for the rest of the night (lovely Hubband put the sheets in the wash).<br />
<br />
The two hours that followed can only be described as a beat-down. It was like a tiny death-match. Flailing limbs, arms, legs, noggin rained down upon me like the tiny crashing waves of fury. Sprout would roll over, and his arm, flung with sleepy abandon, would crack like a whip into the back of my skull. Two tiny three-inch feet, thrust in slumbering unison with contradictory velocity directly into my unsuspecting kidneys. At one point he actually head-butt (head-butted?) me directly on the bridge of the nose. I have no idea what made him so active but he would not. fall. asleep.<br />
<br />
I tried a number of times to politely request that he desist with his abuse. Calm, quiet, monotone mommy:<br />
<blockquote><br />
"Buddy, I'm going to need you to lay more still, okay?"<br />
"Hey, stop flailing around so much, okay Bug?"<br />
"Sweetie, it makes mommy's kidneys hurt when you kick her like that, m'kay?"</blockquote>Silently, I would clutch the pillow and will myself to sleep. I had had a long day at work. One more long day loomed, with clients, and issues, and divorces and legallegallegal words. The green numbers glowingly mocked me as they slid past on their inexorable march toward infinity. I was a zombie. I was going to be a zombie. All I wanted to do was SLEEP.<br />
<br />
The third kidney-punch in one night was apparently too much for my fragile sleep-deprived psyche. I rolled over:<br />
<br />
"<strong><span style="font-size: large;">SPROUT YOU WILL STOP MOVING AROUND <span style="font-size: x-large;">RIGHT NOW</span> OR YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN <span style="font-size: x-large;">BIG TROUBLE MISTER</span>. RIGHT NOW. DO YOU UNDERSTAND</span></strong>?"<br />
<br />
His big, brown doe eyes opened wide and the cutest, softest smallest voice ever responded:<br />
<br />
<blockquote><div style="text-align: center;">"<span style="font-size: xx-small;">yes</span>."</div></blockquote>And that is why I am the Worst Person in the World.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-66785817243887882302011-02-24T10:49:00.000-08:002011-02-24T10:49:11.006-08:00Possibly the Funniest Thing I Have Ever Read<a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html">Hyperbole and a Half</a> seems to capture the main essence of what we're talking about here...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-589999276265014522011-02-24T10:44:00.000-08:002011-02-24T10:44:40.159-08:00Sciencesayswhat?<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Holy Shitballs, Batman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just looked up my “ideal” body weight. Ostensibly, the purpose of this was to bolster my planned article about how I think I’m overweight despite scientific evidence to the contrary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, the result has turned the trajectory of this whole article on its head. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Popular culture and fashion magazines aside, our society is based upon the idea that there are, to certain questions, scientifically correct answers. Science is used as a purportedly “neutral” identifier of the ideal body type. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But even scientific medical and psychological information can be challenged. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, many studies have come to the conclusions that fat people can be healthy</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> weight is not always controllable by diet and exercise</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">; weight to a certain extent is predetermined by genetics</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">; and that diets may be the reason people get fatter.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[4]</span></span></span></span></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I have never been at a point where I was truly happy with my weight. As I have said before, the infestation of popular culture with dumb skinny bitches messes with my competitive spirit. I would like to think that I am smarter than the majority of them, and that I have willed myself through some of the most difficult experiences this country has to offer (law school and boot camp come to mind), so how can they figure out how to be skinny and I can’t?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Uncomfortable honesty time (ooooh, I really <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>don’t want to type this): I am 5’4” and right now hovering at 140. This is about 5 lbs over what I typically consider my “healthy” weight, and 11 lbs more than what I consider my “race” weight (i.e. the weight I prefer to be when running endurance races, due to impact on my joints/ less to carry.) I am muscular and have always weighed more than I look. I wear a size 8 comfortably and a size 6 fitted. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The following are my “ideal” body weights according to these websites:</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">120-132: <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.healthcentral.com/diet-exercise/ideal-body-weight-3146-143.html"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">http://www.healthcentral.com/diet-exercise/ideal-body-weight-3146-143.html</span></a></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">112: <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><a href="http://idealbodyweightchart.net/"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">http://idealbodyweightchart.net/</span></a></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">97-119:<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.dietitian.com/calcbody.php"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">http://www.dietitian.com/calcbody.php</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">117: <span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span></span><a href="http://calculators.hpathy.com/body-weight.asp"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">http://calculators.hpathy.com/body-weight.asp</span></a></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Whaaaa</i>? Talk about failure. I am, according to the average of the above, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">twenty-three pounds</i></b> over my ideal weight. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This got me thinking: ideal for what? Certainly, a 97 lb woman would not be “ideal” for carrying wounded Marines, or full battle-gear. Could a 97 lb woman have the endurance to run an ironman? Or have a baby? As any personal trainer will tell you, muscles weigh more than fat. Thus, the scientifically “ideal” woman is…well… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">weak</i>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could it be that as women become stronger outside of the home, the “ideal” becomes smaller and weaker as a way to perpetuate women’s internalization of subjugation?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Slimness is one of the primary physical indicators of female success. Failure to be slender, in the eyes of society, is evidence of a woman’s failure to work hard enough.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[5]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But body size is determined not only by diet and exercise, but by many other factors including genetics </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn6" name="_ftnref6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[6]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> age, gender, nationality, social class</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn7" name="_ftnref7" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn7;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[7]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> and environment.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn8" name="_ftnref8" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn8;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[8]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> A very successful woman will likely still feel the societal pressure, while a similarly situated male will not. Think of it as the Oprah/Limbaugh dichotomy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">“Ideal” body images, and scientific “ideal” weights without reference to body composition, etc, add to the conundrum of failure by pitting a woman quite literally against herself. Assuming that all resources are to some extent limited, how much of our limited psychological resources do we consume battling ourselves over physical appearance?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
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</div><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><br clear="all" /><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /></span><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteTextCxSpFirst"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Ernsberger, P. and P. Haskew. 1987. Rethinking Obesity: An Alternate View of Its Health Implications. Journal of Obesity and Weight Regulation 6: 58-137</span></div></div><div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteTextCxSpMiddle"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Stunkard, A.J., and M.McClaren –Hume. 1959. The Results of Treatment for Obesity. Archives of Internal Medicine 102, 79-85.</span></div></div><div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteTextCxSpMiddle"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Stunkard, id.</span></div></div><div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[4]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Bennett, W. and J. Gurin. 1982. The Dieter’s Dilemma. New York: Basic Books. </span></div></div><div id="ftn5" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteTextCxSpMiddle"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[5]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Banner, L. 1983. American Beauty. New York: Alfred A. Knopf</span></div></div><div id="ftn6" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteTextCxSpMiddle"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref6" name="_ftn6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[6]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Stunkard, A.J., T.I.A. Sorenson, C. Hanis, T.W. Teasedale, R. Chakraborty, W.J.Schull and F. Schulsinger. 1986. An Adoption Study of Human Obesity. New England Journal of Medicine 314 (4): 193-97</span></div></div><div id="ftn7" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteTextCxSpMiddle"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref7" name="_ftn7" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn7;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[7]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Atrens, D.M. 1988. Don’t Diet. New York: WIliam Morrow. </span></div></div><div id="ftn8" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteTextCxSpLast"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref8" name="_ftn8" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn8;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">[8]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Beller, A.S. 1977. Fat and Thin:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Natural History of Obesity. Toronto: McGraw-Hill Ryerson, Ltd.</span></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-60247502744224464342011-02-23T12:36:00.000-08:002011-02-23T12:36:41.261-08:00AlmondsI hate almonds. I really, truly, with a burning firey passion, hate almonds. They are awful. They are like eating little wood chips.<br />
<br />
And yet, they are on every list of healthy foods that athletes should eat.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So, every day, I muscle my way through a 100 calorie bag of raw, unsalted almonds.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">I feel like one day I will begin to like them. One day my palate will adjust itself to enjoythe simple, healthy things in life. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cUtUM2DsAIk/TWVvO8M9UsI/AAAAAAAAAC4/kzo_WquuPPg/s1600/almonds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" j6="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cUtUM2DsAIk/TWVvO8M9UsI/AAAAAAAAAC4/kzo_WquuPPg/s320/almonds.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Not yet. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-74959540898829378092011-02-21T07:09:00.001-08:002011-02-21T07:09:51.647-08:00Caveat Emptor<div class="MsoNormal">I often wonder if my husband regrets marrying me.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I feel sorry for him. Perversely, I typically feel sorry for him at times when he infuriates me the most. My husband has been cast in a difficult, if not impossible, role. He is a privileged white male married to a radical feminist. He readily identifies as a "feminist" and knows enough to hate it when I call him a "white male," but he has difficulty accepting that his privilege makes his life experience fundamentally different from those who do not benefit from similar status. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Difficulty accepting privilege is not his fault, nor is it unique to him. When faced with privilege, white males often think that to be associated with privilege "takes away" or "minimizes" the hard work associated with their life achievements. This is not so. Instead, take the example of golf. A hole-in-one on a PGA-rated course is a difficult achievement by any definition, no matter who you are. However, a hole-in-one may be more feasible if one has a driver, than say, a 5- iron. Or a putter. Socially-valued biological differences can be seen in a similar way.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">As described by Allan Johnson in his book The Gender Knot (1995)<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a>, a social group is superior to the extent that the society in which it exists is dominated by, identified with, and centered on said group. They key aspect of white male dominance is oppression, which creates and sustains power differences between the dominant group (D) and the oppressed group (O). Oppression includes not only superior positions which allow D to acquire greater income and wealth, but these superior positions allow D to mold social culture in ways that serve D's interests (for example, control of the content of media and the passage of legislation). If Ds occupy all of the positions of power, then D as a group become identified with superiority even if most D are not powerful in their individual lives.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">Original American patriarchy was (is) white-male identified in that the core cultural ideas of what is good, desirable, or even normal are those associated with the white male. For example, the previously discussed culturally valued ideals such as strength, efficiency, and rationality are associated with men, whereas emotion, vulnerability and compromise are historically associated with women and devalued.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A plethora of academic literature addresses the topic initially proposed by the German philosopher Hegel of "self" and "other." As the "default identity", heterosexual white men are the "self," <i>i.e. </i>the automatically self-actualized identity, and all other human iterations are identified by their degree of differentiation from the default identity, i.e. their degree of "otherness." Thus, if heterosexual white male is the "norm," a heterosexual white female is one degree removed from the "norm," a heterosexual African-American female is two degrees removed, a lesbian African-American female three degrees, etc. This applies not only to women, but all gender identities, for instance a homosexual Latino man would therefore be two-degrees removed. My best-friend, the vegan-hippie-social-worker refers to these degrees as "masks" that one puts on when one exits the home; <span style="font-style: normal;">they are distinctions that do not have bearing necessarily on the self-identity as such, but become apparent when one leaves the home and enters the society in which one is identified by degrees as "other."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There are a great number of amazing men that read this site, and your reaction will probably be "yes, but…." Please, however, take into account that a huge part of privilege is not having to see how one is privileged. Allan Johnson uses the example of the goldfish in water; the goldfish does not see the water around him, he doesn't feel it as oppressive, but drop a gerbil in the water, and the gerbil becomes acutely aware of the effect of the water on, say, its ability to breathe. You may just be the goldfish. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So what does this have to do with my poor husband?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The effect is twofold. First, much like the slogan in the 70's "The Personal is Political," the political is personal. Our household is a proving ground of feminist theory, and just like a proving ground, sometimes things explode. I sometimes wonder if the idea of being in a relationship with a strong, athletic, professional, educated, outspoken, wildly driven woman is cooler in theory than it is in practice. Perhaps it is like purchasing a Ferrari, which is cool, but what happens when real life hits and you have to go to the store to pick up lumber? The Ferrari is impractical for daily life. Wouldn't his life be easier if, like 90% of our professional peer group, he had someone to facilitate his life at home? <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">To his credit, he has never even slightly insinuated the above. Instead, he goes out of his way to ensure that people we meet know that I <i>too</i> am an attorney, I <i>too</i> am in the military, etc. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The second effect is that I essentially did a bait-and-switch on him. That is, I sold him the package above, but what he didn't know came with the package was a seething mass of insecurity. What an unimaginable paradox. The insecurity in large part comes from the multitude of failures we discuss on this site. It's essentially the impractical Ferrari but discovering it also has a Yugo engine. In that case, the only people who still think the Ferrari is cool are those that cannot get close enough to see how it really functions. I fail to live up to my own hype. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This leads to incredible isolation. We, the ragingly awesome readers of this site, buy into what we believe we should be. We see Vonnegut's champions and put them on like a shell, believing that if we wear the shell long enough, we will grow large enough to fill it. But inside, we are each quivering little Yugos, terrified that someone will look under the hood. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">We are the Emperor's new clothes. We refuse to break the silence because we believe we are the only one who doesn't see any clothes. That we are the only Yugo.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Well, I am a Yugo. And the Emperor has no clothes.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a> The book that rocked my little college freshman mind. Seriously, if you haven't read it, you should. </div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-26534495620631774952011-02-20T10:46:00.000-08:002011-02-21T06:25:23.188-08:00Quote<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sent to me by one of my favorite people:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Moderate giftedness has been made worthless by the printing press and radio and television and satellites and all that. A moderately gifted person who would have been a community treasure a thousand years ago has to give up, has to go into some other line of work, since modern communications put him or her into daily competition with nothing but world's champions.</span></span></blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> -Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., novelist (1922-2007) </span></span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Media makes the champions in all arenas easily accessible. Chrissy Wellington, Martha Stewart, Anne Marie Slaughter, I measure myself to all and find myself short.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Against whom do you measure yourself?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-63977593773376412442011-02-19T06:22:00.000-08:002011-02-20T14:57:42.571-08:00Control<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">I want to talk about control. Specifically, self-control as it pertains to food. A woman’s control over amount of food, type of food (vegetarian? Organic? Raw?), and body weight are such a huge part of “doing femininity”<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></span></span></a> in a way that is almost overwhelming. My self-control (or lack thereof) is likely the predominant source of my failure feelings on a daily basis. Almost every morning, one of the first thoughts I have is one of regret and failure for something that I ate or drank the day before. <a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></span></span></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">The average person makes at least 200 food related decisions every day.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">[3]</span></span></span></a> 90% of these are done without conscious awareness. An inactive person burns 1,200 calories on average, and most modern individuals are fairly inactive unless we are making the mindful decision to work out (which can be added to this base rate). Running, one of the highest calorie burning activities, burns about 100 calories per mile. To burn off one Hershey’s Kiss, I have to run one-quarter of a mile.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Self-control has long been linked to morality. Perhaps because of its connection to the seven deadly sins. Lust, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gluttony</i>, greed, sloth, anger, envy, and pride all concern emotions and appetites, and emotions are historically associated with the female in the Aristotelian tradition of the male/female dyad (reason/emotion). Recall any chocolate commercial aimed at women, using the words “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sinfully</i> good” or “indulge yourself.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">As discussed <a href="http://themodernfailure.blogspot.com/2011/01/breakthrough.html">earlier</a>, women, in the Western theological tradition, are historically seen as inherently sinful. Women’s physical bodies tempted men into lust, and were therefore seen as having a greater bent for sin. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, ascetic practices of eating and fasting proved the practitioner’s ability to overcome the temptations of the flesh (appetite and sexual desire). <a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">[4]</span></span></span></a> One document, written for monks in the fifteenth century, stated “it is impossible to extinguish the fires of concupiscence (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">doing it!)</i> without restraining the desires of the stomach.”<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">[5]</span></span></span></a> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Perhaps because of the perception of women as more prone to sin, women have historically been particularly attracted to fasting as a means of self-discipline. See, for instance, Rudolph Bell’s book about self-starving women, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Holy Anorexia</i> (1985), that gives an account of women officially recognized by the Roman Catholic church as saints or holy women. Self-starvation was a means to establish an independent identity and garner recognition within the church.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, serif;"><a name='more'></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">The link between carnality and gluttony is carried through to present day secularized thought. Both involve physical desires and overindulgence in either is seen as evidence of animalistic lack of self-control. Control over bodily desires is the Cartesian triumph of mind over body. Fat is seen as a failure of the mind, a failure of the rational mind to regulate the body’s desires.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Regulatory strength has been theorized to be based on a supply of internal resources (such as energy and attention) that can become depleted after successive attempts at self control. For example, a person who has had to control anxiety during a job interview or public performance may find it difficult later in the day to control impulses to eat sweets.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn6" name="_ftnref6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">[6]</span></span></span></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Women are socially required to maintain self control in a myriad of areas. Men have much more social freedom to eat too much, drink too much, be overtly sexual, lay around the house on their days off, and shout when they are angry. There is no reason to think that women have weaker self-regulatory strength than do men. However, “given the greater number of areas in which women are attempting to exercise self-control, the higher standards to which women hold themselves, and the number of tasks and roles they juggle daily, it would not be surprising to find that women deplete their resources more quickly in a given day than men do.”<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn7" name="_ftnref7" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn7;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">[7]</span></span></span></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">The result, of course, is that when we fail (as we inevitably do) to maintain the self-imposed standard of a healthy diet, we feel like a bad person. Aha, the link between food and sin raises its nasty head. I feel as though if I were a better person, I would crave only veggies and lean meats. The Ideal Me actually enjoys eating raw almonds, which I hate. (They taste like little wood chips. Awful. Hate them.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn8" name="_ftnref8" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn8;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">[8]</span></span></span></a>) Repeated attempts, and failures, to self-regulate, i.e. maintain a healthy diet, have been shown to link to a low sense of self-efficacy (i.e. the belief that self-control is possible) which directly impacts self-esteem.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">The internalized dietary obsession so prevalent in modern women constitutes internalized oppression that serves to enforce gender roles. That is, women are so focused on controlling a basic human function (hunger/appetite) they cannot fully focus on developing their authentic selves. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Catch 22</span></b><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">: Given the above, failure to transcend societal pressures with regard to diet and appearance is internalized as an intellectual and feminist shortfall. It is failure squared.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;"></span></div><hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /><br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"> Chrisler, J.C. (1991) . Out of control and eating disordered. In N. Van Den Bergh (ed.), Feminist perspectives on addictions (pp. 139-149). New York: Springer.</span></div></div><div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"> Especially if I drank way too much of it. Oooooh, headache regret.</span></div></div><div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">[3]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"> Wansink, B. (2006). Mindless eating: Why we eat more than we think. New York: Bantam Books. </span></div></div><div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">[4]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bynum, Caroline Walker (1987) Holy Feast and Holy Fast: The Religious Significance of Food to Medieval</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">Women. Berkely: University of California Press.</span></span></div></div><div id="ftn5" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">[5]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"> Quoted in Bynum (1987) pp. 37.</span></div></div><div id="ftn6" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref6" name="_ftn6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">[6]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"> Schmeichel, B.J., & Baumeister, R.F. (2004). Self-regulatory strength. In R.F. Baumeister & K.D. Vohs (Eds.) Handbook of self-regulation: Research, theory and applications (pp. 84-98). New York: Guilford.</span></div></div><div id="ftn7" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref7" name="_ftn7" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn7;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">[7]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> <span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, serif;">Chrisler, J.C. 207 Presidential Address: Fear of losing control: power, perfectionism, and the psychology of women. In Psychology of Women Quarterly, 32 (2008) (pp. 1-12) Blackwell Publishing.</span></span></span></div></div><div id="ftn8" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref8" name="_ftn8" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn8;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">[8]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"> I am eating raw almonds as I write this. Yech.</span></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-91829685725349454472011-02-17T13:25:00.000-08:002011-02-17T13:25:21.558-08:00Mailing List/ HousekeepingReaders, I have a mailing list. If you would like to be a part of the Failure Project, or be notified when new posts come out, shoot me an email: <a href="mailto:chanellea@gmail.com">chanellea@gmail.com</a>.<br />
<br />
Cookies are still on offer. I have two batches going out this weekend (Thank you Jeremy and Adrien! You rock!) The offer is this: if you promote this site somewhere and send me a link and your address, I send you homemade cookies. Om nom nom.<br />
<br />
Finally, if you are here you should "follow" this site. This shows publishers that people actually read it and will buy it when they pay me to write it (hooray!).<br />
<br />
Thanks everyone. For everything.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-59293113663349918762011-02-17T13:20:00.000-08:002011-02-17T13:20:14.241-08:00Natural Mother<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">There is nothing natural about motherhood. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ideal of motherhood many women internalize as the standard has been termed the "motherhood mystique."</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Times;"> The motherhood mystique captures the popular belief system in which being a mother is supposed to be "natural, easy, and always enjoyable, and that optimal child development requires a full-time mom." ... Right. Raise your hand if your motherhood experience fits that description. Better yet, send me an email- I want to interview you for the book. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">I was an idiot about motherhood before I became a mother. Take a conversation, repeated on more than one occasion with multiple people:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></span></div><blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Them: "So, are you going to breastfeed?"</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Me: "Well, yeah. It's the healthiest thing."</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Them: "Okay, well have you read up on it/ engaged a lactation consultant/ some other research about breastfeeding?"</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Me: "Um, no."</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Them: "Well, don't get discouraged, it's always difficult the first time."</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Me: "Why does everyone keep saying that? I'll figure it out. We're <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mammals</i>. It's in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">name</i>. By <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">definition</i> we are required to be good at this."</span></span></div></blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">(All the mothers in the audience groan.) Like I said, I was an idiot. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">Popular media perpetuates and exacerbates the motherhood mystique by the use of almost universal portrayals of "happy, calm and competent mothers,"</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good mothers are patient, nurturing, kind, soft-spoken. </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[3]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Times;"> Take, for example, a content analysis study of mothers in <em>Parenting</em> magazine:</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[4]</span></span></span></span></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"><blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">"the images do not reflect the stressful nature of parenting. Stories about difficult situations were typically accompanied by blurry photos or drawings in which the mother's face was turned away from the viewer, thereby erasing her emotions. Visual portrayal of mothers' negative affect was limited to cartoons, which trivialize the anger, stress, and frustration inherent in managing difficult children or situations by provoking laughter.”</span></span></div></blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">Motherhood is supposed to come naturally, it is supposed to be easy. Any woman who is impatient, loud, annoyed or otherwise at the end of her rope is seen to have something wrong with her. To break the code of silence on this is to be labeled a "bad mother." Some women break the silence with reckless abandon, see Nikki at <a href="https://momswhodrinkandswear.com/Home.php">momswhodrinkandswear</a>, my new favorite site. But breaking the code of silence is dangerous, and she regularly has to remind readers that her site is humor, even then she has many detractors. Even I have been guilty of the bad-mother reaction. While pregnant for the first (and thus far only) time, I ran into a woman with a two year old. She started asking me about my maternity leave, etc and made the following statement:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">"I love X more than anything in the whole world. But let me tell you, by the end of my maternity leave, I was ready to get back to the office."</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">My reaction: bad mother. What a horrible thing to say. What mother wouldn't want to spend every waking moment with their child? But by the end of my maternity leave, I was pulling-my-hair-outready to get back to the office. That woman and I have since become best friends. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">One of the base level disconnects that creates the environment in which women feel failure is the unintentional conspiracy of silence with regard to the difficulty of mothering. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An integral part of this project is to break that code- to acknowledge that the challenges we face are difficult and complex. We, both as women and society, tend to minimize the difficulty of the challenges we face, both interpersonally and professionally. By minimizing the problem, we magnify what we perceive to be our failure to overcome it. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">In short, <strong><em>this shit's hard</em></strong>, and that's okay.</span></span></div><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><br clear="all" /><span style="font-family: Times;"><hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /></span><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"> Hoffnung, M. (1989). Motherhood: Contemporary conflict for women. In J Freeman (Ed.) Women: A Feminist Perspective (4th ed., pp 157-175) Mountain View, CA: Mayfield</span></span></div></div><div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"> Chrisler, J.C. & Johnston-Robledo, I. (2002) Raging hormones? Feminist perspectives on premenstrual syndrome and post-partum depression. In M. Ballou & L.S. Brown (Eds.) Rethinking mental health and disorder (pp. 174-197). New York: Guilford. </span></span></div></div><div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"> Chrisler & Johnson (2002)</span></span></div></div><div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[4]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;">Molina, C., Johnston-Robledo, I., & Babler, A., (2000) Images of women in Parenting magazine. In J.C. Christer (Chair) Sociocultural images of women and their possible effects of life goals, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. Symposium presented at the meeting of the Association for Women in Psychology, Salt Lake City, UT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Following description taken wholesale from Chrisler, J.C. 207 Presidential Address: Fear of losing control: power, perfectionism, and the psychology of women. In Psychology of Women Quarterly, 32 (2008) (pp. 1-12) Blackwell Publishing.</span></span></div></div></div></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times;"></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-54097735855797889642011-02-17T03:37:00.000-08:002011-02-17T03:41:15.725-08:00War of the Worlds<div class="MsoNormal">Here's a fun little project for any of the skeptics out there. You know who you are, those who think the world can't possibly be as gendered as we present here, or that gendered experiences and reactions simply aren't as "real" as we (I) think. Go to Google and type "lawyer in office." Then go to Images.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">What do you see? <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">NARY A WOMAN TO BE FOUND. Striking, isn't it?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You see pictures like this:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sbys2Q476B0/TVymYYJhWJI/AAAAAAAAACg/i0mKXtw03U8/s1600/lawyer1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sbys2Q476B0/TVymYYJhWJI/AAAAAAAAACg/i0mKXtw03U8/s200/lawyer1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And this:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Be5mcNzqQxM/TVynQCYJwcI/AAAAAAAAACk/O4Qjq02zXic/s1600/lawyer2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Be5mcNzqQxM/TVynQCYJwcI/AAAAAAAAACk/O4Qjq02zXic/s200/lawyer2.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-81Sam-lM8vo/TVynbxtItoI/AAAAAAAAACo/SIgOfTDA9nY/s1600/lawyer3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-81Sam-lM8vo/TVynbxtItoI/AAAAAAAAACo/SIgOfTDA9nY/s200/lawyer3.jpg" width="156" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And this:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PO-agbaieeI/TVynl-lxFMI/AAAAAAAAACs/4kDjqPSjX3A/s1600/lawyer5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PO-agbaieeI/TVynl-lxFMI/AAAAAAAAACs/4kDjqPSjX3A/s200/lawyer5.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">(what was he thinking?)<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In fact, you have to sort through forty-two images of lawyers, including this guy before you get to an image of a female lawyer:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WXd02-J_LpY/TVynxDV2CwI/AAAAAAAAACw/TzT2CJR0_BQ/s1600/Sniper_Kitty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="283" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WXd02-J_LpY/TVynxDV2CwI/AAAAAAAAACw/TzT2CJR0_BQ/s320/Sniper_Kitty.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">(hilarious, but not a lawyer) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The image one finds (finally) is a stock image from Google of a model posing as a lawyer. I don't know the algorithms associated with Google content, nor the inner workings of the interwebs. I do know that Google is so ubiquitous that its name has become a verb (thank you Dane Cook). As such, it is a quick, albeit superficial, indicator of the modern zeitgeist with regard to a given topic. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Why is it that the collective consciousness resists so tenaciously the idea of a powerful, educated woman?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I did the above Google search yesterday when two of my worlds came crashing together, with predictably messy results. Sprout got sick around noon, and couldn't go back to school. I had client meetings all afternoon, it was too late to cancel. Husband was mostly free, but had a mandatory meeting at 1400, expected to last an hour. I rearranged my schedule so that I had between 1400 and 1500<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a> free. Sounds like clockwork, right?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Except it wasn't.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">My 1330 ran long, which resulted in Husband barging in on a client meeting toting Sprout and a diaper bag full of animal crackers and Matchbox cars. Client, rather senior and high-ranking, was obviously discomfited. That client meeting ran long, had another client walk in, and Husband didn't get back to pick up Sprout until well after I had seen two other (1500 and 1530) clients with Sprout in office. Let me tell you this, you have never practiced law until you have been required to practice law over the sound of Snow White warbling that "some day [her] prince will come."<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[2]</span></a><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The above scenario is not one, I am sure, that inspired confidence in my clients. Nor, does it burnish my reputation as a competent professional. Mainly because this is not the image one conjures when thinking of an "attorney." Thus, my search for images of a lawyer- I wanted to see if in one, just one, there was a kid on the couch.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Our worlds compete for our attention, for our energies. The more that we are required to give to one sphere, the greater the collateral damage to our credibility in the other. The extent of the collateral damage is, if not unique to the female experience, certainly more pronounced. To the extent that one of our roles extends into, or boils over onto, another, we are seen as less competent, less able to handle the requirements placed on us. The reaction is almost that it is expected that we are unable to maintain the required separation. It is expected that the roles will conflict. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Take, for instance Rick Santorum's recent comment with regard to Sarah Palin. I am not a Palin apologist by any means, but Santorum's comment illustrated the differing impact of children on professional credibility.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[3]</span></a> <span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title="">[4]</a> Santorum, in an effort to seem understanding as to why Palin did not attend a conservative conference, said:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2e2d2e; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2e2d2e; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">"I don’t live in Alaska and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2e2d2e; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2e2d2e; line-height: 18px;"><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I’m not the mother to all these kids</span></em></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2e2d2e; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2e2d2e; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">and I don’t have other responsibilities that she has."</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Assphinctersayswhat? Santorum, in fact, has <i><b>seven</b></i> children. So, I suppose that says something about the division of labor in the Santorum household. His decidedly unenlightened approach can't be any surprise, however, given that he already gave us this gem.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jo4KmYUlNRQ/TV0Dtbz2hVI/AAAAAAAAAC0/rBGEn6TeGf0/s1600/santorum+kids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="219" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jo4KmYUlNRQ/TV0Dtbz2hVI/AAAAAAAAAC0/rBGEn6TeGf0/s320/santorum+kids.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">The individual roles we undertake are too large and unwieldy to keep them from interfering with each other. But when the roles do conflict, women are judged, and we judge ourselves, to be less than competent. It doesn't make sense.<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a> 2:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. for you civilian types</div></div><div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[2]</span></a> which never sounded dirty until I typed it just then. </div></div><div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[3]</span></a> Especially among blockheads. </div></div><div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[4]</span></a> Unfortunately, blockheads are often (by gender and racial default) in positions of power. </div><div class="MsoFootnoteText">Pictures of lawyers from the following sites respectively, and they're probably very nice people: http://forfrylaw.com/; http://www.autoinjurylaw.com/; http://www.ralexanderlawfirm.com/;http://www.parosweb.gr/tritslaw/<br />
<br />
Postscript: for a further fun little exercise, try searching "United States Marine." 87 images, 12 pages until the first female. </div><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><br />
</div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-2194808731203967992011-02-14T17:56:00.000-08:002011-02-14T17:56:08.555-08:00Standards vs. Ideals<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">Let us talk for a minute about the difference between a standard and an ideal. These two words are often, unfortunately and imprecisely,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>used interchangeably despite their drastic difference in meaning. The genesis of the contemporary conflation of these two disparate concepts is unclear, but perhaps by defining and delineating the space between the them, we can shed some light on why (modern women especially) seem to equate the two.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Ideal: a level of perfection that exists only in the imagination; conforming to an ultimate standard of perfection or excellence; the idea of something that is perfect.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[1]</span></span></a><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Standard: a level of quality or excellence that is accepted as the norm; a basis for comparison; a reference point against which other things can be evaluated. <a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[2]</span></span></a><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Ideal:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OqMwnt6GHSA/TVnbLtNjAVI/AAAAAAAAACY/pY60N4FOF0o/s1600/ideal-gis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OqMwnt6GHSA/TVnbLtNjAVI/AAAAAAAAACY/pY60N4FOF0o/s320/ideal-gis.jpg" width="238" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Standard:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YdzwdOWC15k/TVnbgIcBHoI/AAAAAAAAACc/bLZbpEN1duw/s1600/standard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YdzwdOWC15k/TVnbgIcBHoI/AAAAAAAAACc/bLZbpEN1duw/s320/standard.jpg" width="224" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">The "standard" that modern women tend to internalize is, in a majority of cases, thoroughly unrealistic and should be defined as an "ideal." Ideals, by <i>definition</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, can only be achieved or even approached by a small minority of those who strive to achieve them. If too many people begin to achieve the ideal, the ideal must change in order to maintain its "extraordinary nature."<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[3]</span></span></a> In fact, at the very foundations of Western philosophy, Platonic Idealism defines an "ideal" as a form which does not exist in this world, but only in the realm of ideas.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[4]</span></span></a> An ideal, therefore, is an abstract concept that allows us to identify the imperfect reflections of objects within the temporal sphere. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">In the past, it was understood that an ideal was to be admired, but that we were to each attempt our personal best, that standard we had both the strength and ability to achieve. Modern culture has changed such that it requires individuals to target the ideal as their goal rather than the standard. Because the ideal is, by definition, unnatural, extremely difficult and potentially impossible to achieve, failure and disappointment are inevitable.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[5]</span></span></a><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Sound familiar?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Why is it that our culture encourages the internalization of the impossible? <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Part of the answer, it seems, lies in the extreme democratization by which we conceptualize opportunity in America. That is, every child is raised with to believe he or she could be President, an astronaut, or a supermodel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If, as it is presented to the American child, every person has the innate capability to be a supermodel-astronaut-president, then every adult has the moral obligation to achieve those goals. If an adult (who has internalized the opportunity/democracy dialogue) does not achieve the stratospheric goals, they fail because of their own weakness.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">The "democratization of opportunity" can phenomenon can be encapsulated in an anecdote from one of my favorite people. She, the wonderful lovely feminist mother that she is, had raised her daughter by telling her that she "could be anything she wanted to be." One day, her daughter, then three years old, came to her and asked:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><blockquote>"Mommy, I can be anything I want to be when I grow up, right?"</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><blockquote>"Of course, honey," she readily replied.</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><blockquote>"<i>Anything</i> anything?"</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><blockquote>"Yes, <i>anything</i> anything."</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><blockquote>"Okay…" he daughter paused for a moment, "well then can I be a shoe?"</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Mom, of course, answered that she could.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Contrast this to the "British" conception of opportunity, as presented by Eddie Izzard in his comedy show "Dressed to Kill":<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><blockquote>English career counselor: "Tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up?"</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><blockquote>Student: "I want to be a space astronaut and discover things that have never been discovered before."</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><blockquote>Counselor: "You're British, you should tone it down a bit."</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><blockquote>"Alright. I want to work in a shoe shop and discover shoes that have never been discovered before."</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><blockquote>"Tone it down a bit."</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><blockquote>"Alright. I want to work in a sewer and discover things in the sewer that have never been discovered before."</blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Surely there is a happy medium. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">The point is that modern women have internalized a multitude of ideals (physical, professional, maternal), and completely adopted it as the standard. We measure ourselves by impossible expectations, and judge ourselves failures when we do not achieve them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Can we confront the democratization-lie? Not every woman can have six-pack abdominals. Not every woman can look like the woman on a magazine. Not every woman has the maternal instinct. Not every woman has the ability, or inclination, to be a doctor, lawyer or judge. Not every woman can have a fulfilling partnership with a significant other.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;">Nor do we have the moral obligation to do so. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><br clear="all" /> <hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /> <div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"> <div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[1]</span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"> <span style="color: #3b7c17;">wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn</span><o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;"> <div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[2]</span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"> <span style="color: #3b7c17;">wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn</span><o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;"> <div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[3]</span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"> Saltzberg, E.A. & Chrisler, J.C. (1995) Beauty is the beast: Psychological effects of the pursuit of the perfect female body. In J. Freeman (Ed.) <i>Women: A feminist perspective</i></span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"> (5th ed., pp. 306-315). Mountain View, CA: Mayfield<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;"> <div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[4]</span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"> Plato And The Theory Of Forms", Tim Ruggiero, Philosophical Society, July 2002, webpage: <a href="http://www.philosophicalsociety.com/Archives/Plato%20And%20The%20Theory%20Of%20Forms.htm"><span style="color: #4267b6;">PhilosophicalSociety-Forms</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div id="ftn5" style="mso-element: footnote;"> <div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[5]</span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"> Freedman, R. (1988) <i>Bodylove: Learning to like our looks- and ourselves</i></span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;">. New York: Harper & Row.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;">pictures from very interesting article about "The Ideal Female Body Through Time" http://www.babydoll.ws/2008/05/10/the-ideal-female-body-through-time/</span></div><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><br />
</span></div></div></div><!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-70182225162746579892011-02-13T07:21:00.000-08:002011-02-13T07:21:03.355-08:00Milestones and CookiesWe're over 2,000 hits! Hooray and Huzzah! I appreciate all of the kind words and support, you all have been more helpful than you know. I am diligently collecting all of the daily routines, responses, and other lovely wonderful delicious bits of information and insight you have sent me to incorporate into the book.<br />
<br />
Speaking of delicious...<br />
<br />
The offer is still on the table. Whether via Facebook, Twitter, Email, Billboard, street sign, whatevah... if you promote this site to people who don't yet read it, and send me proof and your mailing address (mailing address is key here, people) I WILL SEND YOU HOME MADE COOKIES. Cookies, people! They're good, just ask the people that have already received and consumed them. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ENC_WLOeBz0/TVf2n1CSI4I/AAAAAAAAACU/ZToNb40gx5E/s1600/cookie-monster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ENC_WLOeBz0/TVf2n1CSI4I/AAAAAAAAACU/ZToNb40gx5E/s1600/cookie-monster.jpg" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-25833155116903150092011-02-11T16:12:00.000-08:002011-02-11T16:12:56.926-08:00Anonymous.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I've gotten a lot of great comments on this site. But I got, by far, the best comment I've gotten thus far from Anonymous. It was this:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Militant, ain't ya sister?:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Eff. Yes. I. Am. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep reading, Anonymous. I like your style. </span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-24113854497537817172011-02-11T16:09:00.000-08:002011-02-11T16:10:14.382-08:00Credit.<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The week has officially wiped it's ass with me, resulting in the roaring return of the Pinot Noir bandit (=me, only slightly more awesome). However, I am constantly researching, digging, reading and extrapolating to bring you the most interesting and thought provoking book possible. As such, the following is something I read in my research today that pissed me off: <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><blockquote>"While women's labor force participation continues to rise, along the their relative economic equality in the household<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">[1]</span></span></a> the increase in men's share of domestic work and childcare has been modest<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">[2]</span></span></a>. In the US, men's participation in domestic tasks has increased approximately five hours per week since the mid-1960s, but remains just a third of the contribution of women.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">[3]</span></span></a> At least part of the increase is the result of over-reporting in light of changing social perceptions of gender roles."<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">[4]</span></span></a></blockquote><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This resulted in a giant pink-highlighter "WTF" next to this paragraph. So wait, not only are things not changing, but men are taking credit for more change than is actually happening? (W T everloving F. Cue the Pinot Noir bandit.)</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">[5]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The above reading coalesced perfectly with the following:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">(1) An email that my mom sent me. My mom sends me forwards. A lot. She's gotten better (I no longer receive forwards about the Red Hat society, or the most recent Snopes-debunked myth) but this one actually seemed to encapsulate a large portion of what we discuss here:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Janice arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished! It turns out that Frank had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and have to do their own housework were too tired to have sex'. The night went very well. The next day, Janice told her friends all about it. 'We had a great dinner. Frank even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening.' 'But what about afterward?' asked her friends. 'Oh, that.......... Frank was too tired.'"</span></blockquote><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Okay, it's dumb. But it's true. Just ask Dr. Gupta. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">(2) The same information, in science-y language, was posted on CNN two days ago, see the article </span><a href="http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/11/04/does-a-clean-kitchen-lead-to-more-sex-the-art-of-chore-play/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">here</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, yeah.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">…..and exit bandit stage left. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br clear="all" /></span> <br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /><div id="ftn1"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">[1]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Sorensen & McLanahan, 1986</span></div></div><div id="ftn2"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">[2]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Berk, 1985; Blossfield & Drobnic 2001; Coverman 1983, 1985; England &Farkas 1986; Gershuny 2000; Greenstein 1996; Hochschild 1989; Lennon & Rosenfield 1994; Presser 1994</span></div></div><div id="ftn3"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">[3]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Bianchi, Milkie, Sayer & Robinson 2000</span></div></div><div id="ftn4"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">[4]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> The Gendered Division of Domestic Labor and Family Outcomes. Price Cooke, Lynn. Nutfield College-Oxford University. </span></div></div><div id="ftn5" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">[5]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> I take this opportunity to refer readers to </span><a href="http://themodernfailure.blogspot.com/2011/02/foucault-you.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">this post</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, in which we unequivocally establish that this is neither a man-bashing site (men are, by and large, very nice people) nor do we believe that the weird social perversions of gender roles are the "fault" of the individual male. However, we do live within a weird social structure that creates occasionally both hilarious and grotesque (in the Baroque sense of the word) outcomes. </span></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-59345354005501073662011-02-10T18:17:00.000-08:002011-02-10T18:25:23.040-08:00Patriotism and IndividualityAbigail Adams kicks ass. Anyone who doesn't know how much ass Mrs. Adams kicks should rapidly acquaint themselves with the woman that was unafraid to give a written smackdown to the President of the United States of America. Twice.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Emancipating all nations, you insist upon retaining absolute power over Wives," she wrote to her husband in 1776, while John Adams was serving in the Continental Congress. "Do not put such unlimited powers into the hands of the husbands, remember all men would be tyrants if they could."<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The American Revolution had a peculiar impact on women's roles in the United States. Specifically upon marriage and the expectation of the woman therein. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Prior to the Revolution, family was a model for church and state, each institution had its own hierarchy, with authority residing in the head.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a> The head of the family, church or colonies, was expected to control its members. Indeed, John Winthrop, Massachusetts Bay's governor, explained in 1645 "a true wife accounts her subjection her honor and freedom, and would not think her condition safe and free but in subjection to her husband's authority." The husband retained full control over the wife, and children, family finances, decisions, and was the "conduit through which God's blessings flowed." Absolute subjection of wife to husband was the norm and expectation. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">When absolute monarchy fell out of favor in during the English Revolution of 1688, the absolute patriarchy of the domestic sphere was also subject to ideological assault. "If absolute sovereignty be not necessary in a state, how comes it to be so in a family?" asked kick-ass proto-feminist Mary Axtell in 1706.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The Revolution, and the upheaval that accompanied it, shone a light on women's roles as producers of homemade goods (which allowed boycotts of imported goods), and supporters of the cause either via fundraising or direct support. The war further forced women to spring into the arena of public affairs (difficult to avoid if one's town was bombarded). With the "stress of the first modern revolution" women were "suddenly assumed to be capable of sharing a highly valued and rational political sentiment: patriotism." <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The idea that women were capable of sharing the sentiment of patriotism set the stage for women to be considered as individuals within the domestic relationship as well. Thus, as a result the Revolution, the conceptualization of marriage shifted from the authoritarian patriarchal marriage, to what has been termed "companionate marriage," i.e. a marriage based on affection, esteem, friendship, and consent. Some contemporary authors termed this "matrimonial republicanism." <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So what's the point?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The seeds of equality for American women were planted as recognition of their contribution to something outside the home. This can be contrasted to the progression of women's rights in other western cultures, in which women's rights and suffrage proceeded as a part of the burgeoning recognition of the rights of man (humans). As such, the individuality of the American woman is in historic context based on her occupying and external, or multiple, roles. Could this be one of the small seeds that had led to the overextension of the modern American woman?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a> Heh heh heh heh…heh heh heh.</div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-21431112904099067652011-02-08T16:12:00.000-08:002011-02-10T18:40:48.836-08:00Overcoming Beauty<div class="MsoNormal">I have a deeply ambivalent relationship with the concept of "beauty." I would argue that most successful women fall somewhere on the spectrum between "conflicted" to "deeply ambivalent" to even "tortured" in their relationship to the idea of physical beauty. We, doctors, lawyers, physicists, feel as though we should be above the pull of social forces that tell us that we must be slender, beautiful, and aesthetically pleasing. We are intelligent women able to hold the ridiculous physical demands to the light and know that they are socially constructed and unattainable. Many of us are even able to reject portions of the social ideal. But let me tell you one thing: any woman who says that she doesn't care what she looks like is lying.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This topic is so multi-faceted one could write a book focused solely on it. Heck, I just might. Beauty as power. Beauty as conformity. Beauty as "natural." Beauty as a reflection of inner "good." Beauty as one's utility. Beauty as control.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The focus of this article, however, is the fundamental idea that beauty is natural, and that any failure to be beautiful is a failure of the individual. The Western image of female beauty is incredibly difficult to access and articulate, in part because, although the physical manifestations of beauty have changed wildly over time, the normative language appears to be timeless. Conception of beauty as "natural," "virginal," and "pure" appear to be neutral, while instead serving as imposition of dominance over the female body that is often unconscious and unexplainable. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In the foundations of Western philosophy, internal and external beauty are inseparable. Beginning with Plato, Cicero and Aristotle's <i>Rhetoric</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, academic literature made no distinction between beauty (pulchrum, decorum) and utility or goodness (aptum, honestum)."<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a> Inner beauty was inextricable from outer beauty, as evidenced in writings by John la Rochelle, in which he writes that </span><i>honestum</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> is the elemental ingredient in beauty "truth and beauty were… both defined in terms of form: truth was the disposition of form in relation to the internal character of a thing; truth was the disposition of form in relation to its external character." Alexander Hales wrote "the good is distinguished from the beautiful by intention…the nature of the beautiful consists in general in a resplendence of form, whether in duly ordered parts of material objects… or in men, in actions." The Platonic stance, then, in which the physical form is merely a replica of an intangible ideal, is that the physical form of an individual is a external expression of their inner moral reality. The most beautiful is the most real.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[2]</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Let me break it down. Think Wizard of Oz. Bad witch, the one out to get Dorothy and her little dog too? Ugly. Glenda, the Good Witch? Beautiful. Bam, Western philosophy. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Robert of Blois echoed the standard line that the essence of female beauty is moral.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[3]</span></a> And Thomas Elyot put it most clearly in his <i>The Defence of Good Women</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, in which he wrote that truly beautiful women were temperate, gracious, and moderate.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[4]</span></a> Those women who had to work the least at being outwardly beautiful, then, were presumed to be the most moral and godly. <a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[5]</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">If we track this theory back into <a href="http://themodernfailure.blogspot.com/2011/01/breakthrough.html">this post</a>, in which we discuss the idea that women are presumed to be innately flawed, and combine it with the above, the outcome, then, is that a failure to be beautiful is a moral failure on the part of the individual. Indeed, the "democratic rhetoric of beauty" in the twentieth century<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn6" name="_ftnref6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title="">[6]</a>(</span>discussed by Banner in her amazing book <i>American Beauty</i><span style="font-style: normal;">,) is the the belief that anyone can attain beauty, </span><i>thus all women should try to be beautiful</i><span style="font-style: normal;">. Therefore, unattractiveness is evidence of a woman's </span><i>failure to work hard enough. </i><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There are all sorts of things wrong with this. I get it. But I am also subject to it.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">For instance, I truly believe that if I eat enough organic fruits and veggies, and drink enough water to float a barge, that I will have beautiful, glowing skin. Nevermind that I am 30, sundamaged, and probably the only way that I will ever "glow" is if I get into a horrible highlighter accident. I truly believe that the reason that I have terrible skin is my inner failure to eat and drink what I should. Maybe I just have genetically doo-doo skin, but the implication remains- I should be naturally "fresh" and "dewey." <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Pure honesty? I honestly, truly believe that if I put my mind to it, I could be as skinny as a supermodel. Intellectually, I know this to be false. I also know that I should be above society's conventions and should be comfortable with being healthy and strong. I also know that a supermodel would in no way be able to stand up to the physical rigors of my job. To a certain extent I have made peace with this, but on a level that I cannot deny, I feel that my failure to be supermodel skinny is a failure of effort and willpower. Whether this is a function of "high-achieving" is unclear. I have been able to accomplish almost every goal, professionally academically and athletically to which I have put my mind, thus my failure to attain "glowing" and "skinny" is particularly grating. Especially when reality television shows a plethora of dumb skinny bitches. If they can figure it out, shouldn't I?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It shouldn't bother me, but it does. So sue me. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a> Eco, U. 1986. Art and Beauty in the Middle Ages. New Haven, CT.: Yale University Press.</div></div><div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[2]</span></a> Lowe, B. 1994. Body Images and the Politics of Beauty: Formation of the Feminine Ideal in Medieval and Early Modern Europe. Westport, CT.: Greenwood Press.</div></div><div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[3]</span></a> Reginier-Bohler, D. 1988. Imagining the Self. In G. Duby (ed.), A History of Private Life. Vol 2, Revelation of the Medieval World. Trans. A Goldhammer. Cambridge, MA.: Belknap</div></div><div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[4]</span></a> Elyot, T. 1940. The Defense of Good Women (1540). Ed. E.J. Howard. Oxford, OH.: Anchor</div></div><div id="ftn5" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[5]</span></a> Lowe, B. supra.</div></div><div id="ftn6" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref6" name="_ftn6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[6]</span></a> Banner, L. 1983. American Beauty. New York: Alfred A. Knopf. </div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-44752877690073516362011-02-07T14:49:00.000-08:002011-02-07T14:49:38.130-08:00RequestSmall request for all of you people who regularly (or semi-regularly, or occasionally, or rarely) check this site. If you would go through the (admittedly ass-painful) process of "Following" it. This shows the publisher that I have people that like what I write.<br />
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Which is important, because I want someone to pay me to write it.<br />
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Thanks people. I appreciate all of the support.<br />
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Reminder: Pimp my blog, send me the link, and I send you homemade cookies. It's that easy. Email me with the link to where you pimped the site and your mailing address: chanellea@gmail.com. Pimp. My. Site.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-49736670183429097772011-02-07T14:43:00.000-08:002011-02-07T14:43:51.525-08:00Daily (Parenting) Fail<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">The Ideal Me (IM) spends rainy days doing crafts projects with her children. They cut shapes out of foam and play Play-Doh. They later cuddle under blankets to watch a classic Walt Disney movie with hot chocolate. (Or, in my super-ideal world, they don't even have a TV.) This Sunday, the rain had been incessant, but did nothing to dampen the unremitting energy of my sweet mamamamama</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">mamamamamamama MA MA MAAAAMAAAAA MAMA MOMMMYMOMMS MOMMMMMMY MA MA MA-Machine. </div><br />
The blur on the right hand side is Sprout.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AExlnHc82KY/TVBxE_GMJfI/AAAAAAAAACM/asA7y3by2lU/s1600/blur.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AExlnHc82KY/TVBxE_GMJfI/AAAAAAAAACM/asA7y3by2lU/s320/blur.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
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He is, in this picture, playing in the indoor playscape at Chik-Fil-A.<br />
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Let me tell you a few things about this picture:<br />
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1) He has on no shoes or socks. (His choice.)<br />
2) He has on blue sweatpants 2 sizes too big, and a Michigan State basketball jersey, sleeveless. He has on NO underwear.<br />
3) He has figured out how to surf the entirety of the slide to the left on his feet, jump, land, and keep running without pause.<br />
4) At least twice there was serious crying emanating from the glass-encased-habitat. I am reasonably sure that my son was either the cause or the source. That place is like Lord of the Flies.<br />
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Heeeere Piggy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-37623602300179831592011-02-06T11:20:00.000-08:002011-02-06T11:20:22.740-08:00The Day I Got Stuck in Court.Have I ever told you about the day I got stuck in Court?<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="color: windowtext;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="color: windowtext;">One of the hugely problematic areas in the professional female experience is that of being pregnant. Pregnancy is physically obvious and exclusively female. It is the most inescapable manifestation of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"female-ness" that cannot be mitigated while in the workplace. Despite all of the physical and behavioral modifications adopted by women to neutralize<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>their femininity and be perceived as equals in the workplace, pregnancy is gigantically uncomfortably and inescapably <b><i>there</i></b></span><span style="color: windowtext;">.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="color: windowtext;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 24px;">The author has had the distinctly preposterous experience of being pregnant while on active duty in the United States military. In one of the last bastions of all things alpha-male, her experience was appropriately ridiculous. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 24px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 24px;">My pregnancy is recorded, for all posterity, on the record of the criminal conviction of Sgt X. We were in a motions hearing prior to trial, and had begun the preliminaries when the judge noticed that the outer door to the courtroom had not been closed prior to the start of proceedings. He asked the prosecutor (me) to close the door. There are a number of formalities that need to be gone through before entering the 'well' or the area in front of the judge, so it was simply easier to sidle to the side between the heavy, oak counsel table and the wall to reach the door. Well, easier for someone who is not seven-months pregnant. For someone who is seven months pregnant, the exercise sounds like this:</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="color: windowtext;"><br />
</span></div><blockquote>Judge: "in the last hearing on the record, defense counsel for the accused stipulated that…<long awkward pause>...Trial Counsel, are you okay?"</blockquote><blockquote>Me: "Yes your.... <grunt> Honor, I ....<grunt> am..hmmpgrrr..:</blockquote>It is, unfortunately, an appellate court requirement that all goings-on in the courtroom be verbalized on the record. It is called "protecting the record" and prevents a case being overturned on appeal because an Appellate Court judge doesn't know what is happening. On this day, protection of the record took the following form:<br />
<blockquote>Judge: "Trial Counsel, ah…well…um, let the record reflect that trial counsel is currently stuck between counsel table and the wall. Trial Counsel is unable to move. Defense counsel, will you please enter the well and pull out the table to assist Trial Counsel?"</blockquote><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><br />
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That was it. The day I got stuck in court. Recorded, transcribed, and kept for all time. </span><br />
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</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-9819303462407234692011-02-04T16:44:00.000-08:002011-02-04T16:50:34.446-08:00Stuck.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AExlnHc82KY/TUyQYMWEo9I/AAAAAAAAAB4/NFxilIZqmCM/s1600/Agoodwife.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="207" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AExlnHc82KY/TUyQYMWEo9I/AAAAAAAAAB4/NFxilIZqmCM/s320/Agoodwife.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman;">A <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/2011/02/04/133188723/tools-never-die-waddaya-mean-never">r<span id="goog_1771387491"></span>ecent story on NPR</a><span id="goog_1771387492"></span> was about how technology never dies, any technology that has every been created in history is still made, s</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman;">omewhere, by someone. Paleolithic axes? Check. Steam Powered Cars? Yep. Hand Threshers? Sure. Because a large portion of my brain is now fully preoccupied by the Failure Project, this immediately brought to mind the above article. My mom sent it to me when I got married.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times-Roman;"> She was only sort of kidding.</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">As has become clear in my research on the project, women's roles, too, never die. Once something has been predetermined to be a woman's "role," then no matter how many other roles are added, that role never dies. Take for instance, a conversation I recently had with my husband, after his boss had us over for dinner:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">Me: "We need to have them over for dinner here soon."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">Him: "Why?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">Me: "Because that's what you DO."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">Him: "Why?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">Me: "They just had us over for a very nice dinner, and you feel no compunction to have them over to our house for dinner at all, do you?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">Him: "Nope."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">He grinned and walked away. The point was lost on him. But it was clear that the role of "social manager" and "entertainment director" of the family was a responsibility I felt that was not shared. In the 40s or 50s, with the male as the sole breadwinner in the home, and the female as the homemaker and party-planner, this difference in perceived responsibility would be understandable. But, with equal or mostly-equal professional responsibilities for both spouses increasingly the norm in the majority of households, why is it that we cling to our historical roles? Consciously or subconsciously, one article argues that it is because we are acting as <a href="http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1219962,00.html">gatekeepers</a> to protect our identity as nurturers- an identity threatened when we are at work all day. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">Think about the identities that women have adopted over the years that we have not shed: nurturer, homemaker, beauty, virgin, professional- we must be both professionally accomplished, but adequately feminine and aesthetically pleasing. Strong, but slender. Sexually appealing, but not threatening. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">It brings to mind another anecdote, this one from my neighbor. She and her husband work essentially the exact same jobs, with almost exactly the same hours. They have one child, she does all of the childcare. One day, at the end of her rope, she brought up to him that she was running ragged trying to work, take care of their spawn, do all the laundry, keep the house clean, make meals, etc. Because he paid a certain amount per month to get all of the yard work done (law mowed, hedges trimmed, various and sundry other tasks), she should it would be only fair if they were able to get someone once every two weeks to just clean the kitchen and bathrooms. Otherwise, she said, she would simply lose her mind. Keeping the house clean in addition to her full time job and everything else was just driving her over the edge. His response?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">"But Honey, our house isn't <b>that</b></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"> big."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">Hm. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;">What other roles have women had historically that anachronistically carry through to today? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"><div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 8pt;">[1]</span></span></a><span style="font-size: 8pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 8pt;">She has kind of a dark sense of humor. As me sometime about the double cheeseburgers we ate in the waiting room of the cardiac ward while waiting for my dad to get out of a quintuple bypass. No kidding.</span><span style="font-size: 8pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times-Roman; font-size: 8pt;">Thank you to www.momswhodrinkandswear.com for the pic. It's one of my favorite sites and should be one of yours too.</span></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5277560763012837466.post-86636640724455640922011-02-03T13:27:00.000-08:002011-02-03T13:27:05.233-08:00For Real.<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">Sometimes failure isn’t an illusion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">I have been working with a client this last week who was embroiled in a dire situation. I happened across her by chance, she was in the office to see someone else- but by being in the right place at the right time, I heard her story- and it was compelling. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">Without breaking attorney-client privilege, or otherwise getting myself in trouble, it will suffice to say that if we won she had a career, an opportunity, and a chance to live her dream. If we lost she was left with no job, no car, no personal possessions and no place to live. She had given all of those things up because she had been told that if she did so, she would be allowed a chance at her dream. (This is not at all as fishy as it seems while I am rereading the above. This was not a scam.)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">I spent five whole days working with this client (that’s a long time, in the Legal Assistance world. Free legal advice does not come with the kind of personal attention paid lawyers do.) I was able to contact parties involved and sweet talk clerks of court on the other side of the country. I pulled strings and poked people in the eye. I drafted, redrafted and submitted motions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pissed off essentially all of the big giant heads in the sky. I perhaps put my own career in peril.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">It was a slim chance but I thought we could do it. I thought we had a good legal argument and, on the basis of equity, I knew the right thing to do would be to decide in our favor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My client had done nothing wrong (another rarity in the Legal Assistance realm). and desperately wanted the outcome we were seeking. If this was the movies, the underdog- us- would have come out on top, beaming and high-fiving. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">But we didn’t. We lost. The Man won this round. Despite my every effort, my client will now be flown across the country and dropped in a city with no home, no funds and no means of transportation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I failed her.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">Sometimes your best just isn’t good enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">One of the biggest indicators of mental well-being is<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"resilience," or the ability to bounce back from life's setbacks<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[1]</span></span></a>. Today was a for-real, objective failure. But we are so hard on ourselves every day, our little "failures" mount, they stick, they drift<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like snow into the pockets of least resistance within our self-image. The base level rises so that when we have the uncommon "real" failure we topple like overfilled soft serve, and life seems like a huge example of how we are incapable of doing anything right. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">Tomorrow, I'll be funny. Today, I'm buying a bottle of Pinot Noir and a sippy cup. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><br clear="all" /> <hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /> <div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;"> <div class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5277560763012837466#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;">[1]</span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 8.0pt;"> Rutter, M. (2008). Developing concepts in developmental psychopathology. In J.J. Hudziak (ed.), Developmental psychopathology and wellness: Genetic and environmental influences (pp.3-22). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing<o:p></o:p></span></div></div></div><!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2