I am an attorney. I am sought by my clients for my ability to listen to their stories, spot legal issues, and take swift and effective legal action on their behalf in order to solve their problems. I am reasonably sought after, and fairly well respected in my profession. I am also fully qualified to lead a Company of Marines into battle, shoot a man from 500 yards, or call for air-support from an F-18. I am good at what I do.
And yet, last Friday night, at 9 p.m., I was at Walgreens, in my pajamas and rain boots, toting a cranky child with no shoes, buying diapers. Yes, husband, using the last diaper IS relevant information that should be passed to the other spouse sometime before said spouse has bathed, wrangled, jammied and read-to the said named diaper-wearing offspring.
How can I plan and execute the envelopment of the enemy, or the prosecution of an entire trial, but cannot manage to keep the staples necessary to avoid pants-shitting in my home? It can't just be me. It cant. just. be. me.
Can it? Be honest: When is the last time you ran out of something in your home, and why?
Kleenex, paper napkins, even paper towels all make fine substitutes for toilet paper, which usually runs out of stock in the household closet at some inconvenient time. Not sure you could really substitute a diaper, though. Also, we have been known to feed our dogs cat food when their food runs out. The cat would rather starve than eat anything else--so sometimes she does.
ReplyDeleteI am currently out of half and half---the only food item other than coffee that I reliably have. For five days I have been drinking my coffee black because when (read:if) I finish working, I can't manage drag myself to the store. (It is two blocks away.)
ReplyDeleteShould you ever again encounter the diaper emergency, I suggest: washcloth + trash bag + 100 mile an hour tape.
I am always running out of spinach. It goes bad unexpectedly overnight or it just looks like more volume than is actually there. And I can't eat my multi-colored, antioxidant-rich, healthy salad without a full cup of spinach. What would be the point - it's the flagship superfood. It always happens on a night that it's just too late to go to the store.
ReplyDeleteSo I order a pizza. Extra cheese.
I run out of toilet paper all the time. I am very busy and keeping tp stocked is hard. Sometimes, I steal if from work. The first stall's tp dispenser does not lock and I can slide a roll easily into my purse. He he he.
ReplyDeleteI’m the same with toilet paper. I live by myself so I am not embarrassed or disgusted to use a paper towel when I realize that for the second or possibly third day in a row I have drug my tired ass home from work and forgot stop and pick up tp… even though there is a 7-Eleven, Rite-Aid and Walgreens all within 100 yards. I did however figure out that the science behind tp and paper towels is not the same, so it is imperative to be resourceful and use a small square or one runs the risk of blocking up the toilet. “Hey, can you send a maintenance man over to rescue me? Yep, I blocked up my toilet with paper towels because I’m lazy and forgetful and don’t have tp in my home so I had to use a paper towel. Yes, you heard me correctly. I don’t have any tp.”
ReplyDeleteI am a failure.
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So you don't have to think about it. Shit you use regularly (like diapers) just shows up on your doorstep.