It takes 10,000 hours to master a skill.
One of the aspects of the alleged IM is her symbiotic, supportive, egalitarian and ravenously sexual relationship with her mate. Male or female, the relationship with her mate, according to popular interpretation, is supposed to be hugely satisfactory to both parties, and, although she of course doesn’t “need” a mate, she has found her perfect helpmate in her chosen partner.
I will confess that one of my deepest and most often felt failures is my failure to be the spouse I always thought I would be. I don't mean to let Hubband entirely off of the hook, as occasionally he can be infuriating (intentionally or unintentionally) to the point of making my head explode, but I always thought that I would be the wife that indulged her husband's eccentricities with love, finding them "endearing" rather than "infuriating." I am, apparently, not that indulgent.
One of the aspects of the alleged IM is her symbiotic, supportive, egalitarian and ravenously sexual relationship with her mate. Male or female, the relationship with her mate, according to popular interpretation, is supposed to be hugely satisfactory to both parties, and, although she of course doesn’t “need” a mate, she has found her perfect helpmate in her chosen partner.
I will confess that one of my deepest and most often felt failures is my failure to be the spouse I always thought I would be. I don't mean to let Hubband entirely off of the hook, as occasionally he can be infuriating (intentionally or unintentionally) to the point of making my head explode, but I always thought that I would be the wife that indulged her husband's eccentricities with love, finding them "endearing" rather than "infuriating." I am, apparently, not that indulgent.
This, I am sure, will be the topic of many posts, and a huge chapter in the book. But this week I tracked one aspect of our relationship: time spent together. It brought the reality of the challenge we face into stark relief. I realized that, in seven whole days, my spouse and I spent a grand total of 284 minutes, or 4 hours and 45 minutes, together. None of this time was spent alone, without Sprout or at least one other person in the vicinity. (Data control: I counted all time that we were awake, and in the same room or within a 20 ft radius of one another.) Time spent together per day was as follows:
Monday: 47 minutes
Tuesday: 1 hr 42 minutes (this should really only be counted for half, as this entire time we were at the birthday party of a mutual friend. Although we were within the required 20 ft radius, we were almost exclusively speaking to other people.)
Wednesday: 17 minutes (speaking in whispers outside of Sprout's door while he fell asleep.)
Thursday: 10 minutes in the morning.
Friday: 0 minutes (I had a 24-hour tour of duty)
Saturday: Approx. 1 hour
Sunday: As I type this: 48 minutes.
I fully realize that some of this is our own making (I chose to sleep when I got back from duty, he chose to go hunting today) but we can't entirely exclude the activities we enjoy doing to simply sit and stare at eachother. That said, some staring at eachother certainly wouldn't hurt. It is certainly a function of the overextension of the female role(s) versus the (at least in the current scientific age) non-elastic time-space continuum. (String theorists, please forego commenting on my misapprehension of time and space. I'm a lawyer and an author- in large part because I am bad at math.) But how can one be expected to have a complete and fulfilling relationship in approximately the time it takes to watch a James Cameron movie? It's like my Dad used to say with regard to raising kids "The whole 'quality time' movement is bullshit. You can't schedule quality time, you can only spend quantity time, so that you're there when it turns into quality time." Amen, Dad. I get it.
At this rate it will only take 6 years, 8 months for me to master the skill of "spouse."
At this rate it will only take 6 years, 8 months for me to master the skill of "spouse."
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